Believing in my dreaming...because of my Anchor

Today, while running, I had a moment where a white van started, and then started to follow.  There has been death, talk of death or reading of death, what seems like, on every corner of this city I love and its surroundings.  There is so much more good than that. And even more, I refuse to live in fear.  I refuse to put that on my kids.  We are wise and we use Godly wisdom.  There is a difference. But as I approached the lake, I saw parish patrol driving across the track, the open beauty in front of me.  I felt relief.  And it got me thinking.  I've been dreaming a dream..  A dream, that relief is what any officer of any kind would bring to any person.  Of any age. Of any color.  Of any sex. Any person.  Including my sweet 11 year old Rylee Claire.  Why have we resorted to using our officers as threats even in our elementary children? But that's another story.  Relief. Safety. Assurance. Trust. That's my dream. A dream that has been burning in my heart.  A dream that means that God's church acts and looks like He wants it too.  Some will say it's a stretch, but I don't believe so.  I have this Hope.  It's my anchor.  I have a dream that it will no longer be death that makes the headlines about my city.  There is SO much more.  So much that outweighs.  In my dream, it will be headlines of unity.  Headlines of grace and of what God is doing.  People being the move of God that will sustain throughout whatever time we have.  I believe it when I watch my kids.  I believe it when there is Thursday night growth group with the youth.  Our future. I believe it because I know of how hurt and pain can wrap right back around to God making all things good. I've felt it.  Experienced it.  Watched it.  I believe that for this city.  For this world and the people in it.  I believe in a dream where Love will win.  It is winning.  It has already won.  I have this Hope.  It is my anchor.  Sure and steadfast.  It is Jesus.

The Numbering Our Days

I remember the days that baby came after baby, diaper came after diaper, middle of the night came after middle of the night, and milestone came after milestone.  I remember that it seemed hard.  I learned that some of our best times come through what we think might be the hardest stage of life.  There were many days that I found myself saying, 'when the babies are older,' or 'when we have more money,' when this thing changes, this will be better.  I found myself not living my now, waiting for the smallest of things to be different, better.  And then I found Ps. 118:24, and it says that THIS is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it, and God knocked me right upside the head with it.  But I began to try.  To trust.  To live like this really was the day the Lord had made and that there is always something to rejoice in, even on those days that you have to look a little harder to find it.  And it's funny, because the years went by, and I was taught to enjoy every season, but I found myself longing for those days of diapers, of sweet snuggles and smelling my tiny babies newborn breath and hearing that first belly laugh.  Because babies grow.  They become your life's work but it's a really, really great work.  And before you know it, your living room is full of teenagers.  Teenagers that can learn about the love of the Father, because you made your babies your life's work.  Teenagers that the big guy and I have led, listening to the way the Father leads.  And I'm thankful.  I'm thankful, that even though it's hard, even though these teenagers must make real life decisions about basketball and small group, about college and marriage, about God, this is still the day He has made.  When you see them hurt for kids in their school, or tears roll because they don't know which choice to make, even though, there might not be a wrong one this time just a better one for now, THIS is the day that He has made.  I will still trust that.  And I realize that even this season is fleeting.  I'm realizing that there are days coming that my living room might not be full of teenagers laughing and making us all laugh, crying and making us cry.  I'm realizing just how fast these days He has made go by and understanding more and more the concept of numbering them.  And I catch myself wanting to hang on.  Not wanting this to ever end, knowing we were made for a living room full of them. Knowing this season is changing faster than we ever dreamed it would, but knowing He has made not just today but He already knows the one's He's making in the future.  Knowing that there will still be days that I will tell my big guy that it's just too hard and I just want them grown, knowing that this isn't even close to the truth.  But isn't that how it works? The best things are sometimes the most trying, the most hard fought for, but still the best.  My big guy said just the other day that kids are hard work, when you're not willing to put the hard work in, especially early.  The best things are hard work. They are our best things, and when the big guy and I are living it up, sending home grand kids when they get hard, I will look back at the seasons with so much joy and probably a little longing.  But I trust and I know that our best is still yet to come and I will always remember the joy teenagers have brought us. Even in the hurting and hard.  

Are you finding your current season hard?  Do you find yourself saying when tomorrow comes...?  Be encouraged today, that whatever your day looks like, this is the day the Lord has made.  He's even making your tomorrow.  Listen to His voice and rejoice, because we know that all things......

Called

When I was a little girl, I had many dreams and many passions.  Many ways, that through my compassion, I thought I would change the world.  I had a heart that hurt for people and dreams that didn't connect to those people or to changing the world.  I had a mind, that didn't even come close to knowing what that really meant.  Let's pretend this is what my dream looked like (or maybe I'm asking, you know, for a friend): I wanted to be Madonna.  It seemed so legit at the time. I loved singing and people told me I was good enough.  I loved acting and seemed to find myself in plenty of drama. I wanted to write something that mattered.  Now maybe Madonna didn't write things that mattered, but it was all part of the plan.  I was pursuing my Madonna dreams by heading to California to where apparently, these things could become reality, all the while attending Berkeley to become a journalist.  And, you know, changing the world, one wanna be someone else at a time.

And then, I  was a teenager and a mom and married to the boy I loved. Dreams of singing and acting and changing the world with my fame weren't even a tiny little dot on my radar.  I had a baby.  A family that I was determined wouldn't just become another statistic. I had to graduate high school, so I did. And then that summer, something happened.  I went to church camp. Me as a student, my Big Guy as a counselor. Ha! Weird, for sure, but one night everything changed. That one night, I sat alone in my bunk bed at camp, and I gave my life to the One who gave it to me in the first place and I became called and changing the world meant something different entirely.

And here I am. And there has been so much life lived along the way. I still love to sing.  You'll find me every Sunday and all the days in between singing about the One who can change a life.  Sometimes on a stage, sometimes from a pew.  Almost always in my car and a lot in my house. My dream isn't to be Madonna, but an example of worship.  Not to be known by the world, but for the world to truly know truth.  Not to have fame, but to be famous in my home.  Romans 8:28 says,  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." And it has been the verse of my life.  A promise I will always believe, the one I have lived. And I've written things for myself, I've written books in my head.  I've written lengthy Instagram posts. And now I've written this.  Maybe this blog will matter, maybe it won't.  Maybe I'll be the grammar police that never writes grammatically correct, because I write from my heart. FYI: Sentences always start with "and" in my heart. Either way, I will write.  I will continue to know that God truly works all things together for good and I will tell the world. I am called to live my life for His purpose, whatever that might be.

Today, are you trying to figure life out?  Are you  looking around wondering why things are the way they are?  Are you pushing for your dreams with no success?  ........Are you called? Have you truly given your life to the writing of His story? Be encouraged to look to the One whose promises are true.  To the One who will make all things work together for your good. And that's where changing the world really starts.

And ForGoodTogether begins.......